Fractal chaos.

It's been a while since I blogged last. To be honest, the last month has been pretty hard and so I didn't feel like I had much to offer in terms of enjoyable reading. I am SO glad that Mike and I had a week away in Mexico last month. Last month seems like a year ago already though...the only thing left to remind us of our relaxing trip is Mike's tan. Yes, Mike's tan. Not mine. Mine is long gone. Ok, there are also pleasant memories of sleep, rest, and food. I cling on to memories of rest and sleep....ahhhhh, sleeeeeeeep.

After surgery (see previous post for info) I had the opportunity to head to Langley to be with my family for a few days of rest. The day that we left for Langley my baby Jackson got sick with croup. He wasn't too sick so we decided to keep travelling. Linden has gotten into car sickness. So while driving to the ferry in Nanaimo he covered my mother-in-law's van with grossness. Pulling over to clean him up in the freezing cold was great frozen fun. He was thrilled as my MIL and I gagged our way through cleaning him and the van up. Jackson was also thrilled for the momentary stall in our trip. Bonnie and I may as well have joined in the crying, we could have harmonized our cries and made a screaming quartet. Back on the road Linden was so offended by throwing up the first time he was determined not to let another drop out of his body; the poor kid held his hands over his mouth the rest of the way, refusing a repeat episode. What a tough kid!

The first few days of our trip were pretty good, Jackson started to get better and had more energy. It was hard to not be able to hold him while he was sick because of my surgery... the day before we were going to head back home Jackson took a turn for the worst and I ended up in emergency through the night with him. Poor kid couldn't breathe. That was a tough night. But I was so glad my mom (thanks mom:) told me to take him in because they were able to give him medication and put him on a ventilator and as soon as he woke up the next morning he was doing heaps better. We stayed one extra day and enjoyed one extra day of fun with our families. What a gift family is. I love my family. Both sides. Everyone. They are pretty awesome.

We're back home now and life is starting to get back to normal. I still have remnants of surgery that remind me ever so often to take it a bit easier, but my energy is returning and I feel motivated by this beautiful weather to get into spring cleaning mode. I'm starting to wonder what 'normal' means. I think that for me 'normal' is chaos right now. Being a young mom with two tots and two teens (Korean students) is quite literally the definition of chaos. Perhaps the chaos would seem a bit more like fractal chaos if I could manage our time a bit better.

What is fractal chaos? Well, it looks like a crazy, messy life of business, but when looked at closer it is actually a very carefully designed pattern of routine and planning. Fractal chaos. Google fractals, they're facinating. I'm not sure if my definition would make it into the dictionary, but I have only altered it to suit my current dreams of time management. Fractal chaos sounds exciting. It seems energizing. It's fast paced, but it's with a purpose. It fits everything in without allowing too much in. There's room for rest and relaxing and room for getting messy and creative. There's room for playing and learning and even cleaning. Everything flows together seamlessly and it just works. Doesn't it sound glorious?

I have no idea how to get there but I know that I will. I will reach fractal chaos. I will. I'm excited. I'm motivated.

Jackson dumped my coffee all over himself this morning. It was sad. He wasn't sad. It wasn't hot coffee, so he was unharmed. He happily slopped up my carpeted stairs as I tried frantically to wipe up the mess on the laminate flooring. My heart was harmed. I was still thoroughly enjoying that cup of mostly warm coffee. We were in process of heading out the door to drop our students off at school. Chaos. Oh well, I forgive his curiosity and I also forgive my non-sensical thinking in leaving my (large) cup of coffee within arms reach of an almost one year old.

Right now my 'normal' is chaos. It does not make a lot of sense all the time and seems totally out of control, there aren't many moments of quiet and when there are someone usually breaks it with a timely passing of gas. That's what I get for being the only female in a house with five of the male species. All of that to say, that while I do long one day for formulated business and order, my life is fun in all this chaos. I mentioned the frustration in losing my coffee this morning, but I didn't mention the delighted look on Jackson's face that made it all so worth it. And when that silence is rudely broken, there is always laughter - I may not always be a part of the laughter, but at least it brings laughter to the rest of the household.

[sigh].....I'm signing off now with a hot cup of coffee in my hand and a happy heart.

Everyone's normal is different. I hope that today you can find joy in your 'normal' and if your normal needs to change I hope you can embrace a new normal with gladness.

Peace to you.
Laura